You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
