I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Please don't give away my fajitas
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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