is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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