2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I think i got beer on your cat.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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