that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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