I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Randomize
