I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
