you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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