I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
