Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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