hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize