I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
