I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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