New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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