wakey wakey hands off snakey
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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