The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize