Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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