i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
