I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
