so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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