so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
