3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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