I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
