She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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