Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
