there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
