Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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