Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
