Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
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I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
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He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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