i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
