He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I looked at my own cervix.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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