Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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