i wish peter jackson would direct porn
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Randomize
