He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
