Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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