i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
