he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
