Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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