hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
