left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
