Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize