i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
