it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
