Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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