carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I look better un-naked...
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
