her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
