you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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