she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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