i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
