SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I wish I only lived at night.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
