Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Randomize
