i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Bring me that man meat
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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