I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
