We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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