Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
