i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Vodka?
Forever.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
