u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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