Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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