how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
