are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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