There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
