you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
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Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
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Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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