im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
