Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
