you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
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Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
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They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize