I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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