my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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