I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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