Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
