I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
