i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
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