and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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