Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
