paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize