Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
