don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
