Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
