Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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