Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
