I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
