Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
