I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
