i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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